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Overloading children with tutoring and activities: The dangerous trap parents fall into. Oana Zapca: "We often don’t even know why we’re doing it!"
Alexandra Șerb stated that while it's helpful to a point to say "the parent is to blame", it's important to help the parent understand why they feel guilty. The expert discovered, through studying and staying up-to-date with recent research, that this guilt isn't entirely the parents' fault.
"The parent is to blame' helps to a point, but let's help that parent understand why they feel guilty.
Through studying and staying up-to-date with all the research that has been done, I've discovered that this guilt they feel isn't entirely theirs, because we come from behind with baggage, it's not something I choose to do. The way I see life now is actually through the filter my parents created for me, and I'm the result of the way I was raised", said Alexandra Șerb at Părinți Prezenți, a show by ParintisiPitici.ro.
What would the ideal "garden" for raising happy and balanced children look like?
Alexandra Șerb emphasized the importance of being a conscious parent. She aims to realize during interactions with the child how much of her behavior and reactions are influenced by what the child is doing at that moment and how much is determined by the emotional button pressed, which teleports her into the past.
"To be a conscious parent is to be aware of what's happening here and now. And when I react or when I'm in a dynamic with the child, to realize how much of what I'm doing, saying now is about what the child is doing in front of me and how much is about that button that was pressed and which teleported me directly into the past.
Because most of the time, we react to pain and that creates a big gap between us and the child. This costs us in the relationship because then I can't get him to listen to me without punishing him, without hitting him, without raising my voice. Because I'm not creating the relationship anymore, I'm yelling at him and scaring him because I'm reacting from pain.
So, that's the problem! Let's realize how much of it is about this child who doesn't know how to put juice in the glass and spilled it", explained Alexandra Șerb.
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