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Overloading children with tutoring and activities: The dangerous trap parents fall into. Oana Zapca: "We often don’t even know why we’re doing it!"
One of the myths debunked by Ruxandra Horvath is the idea that allowing children to wet themselves or to be undressed will make them learn faster. The reality is that each child reacts differently to these experiences. Some may overlook the sensation of wetness without being too bothered, but others may develop anxiety or may associate these moments with the desire to wear diapers or to avoid urinating.
"There may be an impression that if we let them wet themselves or leave them undressed, eventually they will learn. Because they keep wetting themselves, so why not learn? The truth is that some children may handle these moments of wetting themselves and may not be bothered by that sensation, not necessarily with indifference, but simply not be bothered by what they feel and move on, even if they experience it a few times a day. But there are also children for whom these wettings, emotionally, are very striking and make them want the diaper even more, to avoid urinating, to develop retention, to go through very long periods without urination or even to stop consuming liquids. Because they are very smart and of course, they sometimes make this association. So, one of the myths would be that when we let them wet themselves, they learn. Things may go in that direction sometimes, but there is also the risk of degenerating and having some very unpleasant effects, especially for the child", explained Ruxandra Horvath on Părinți Prezenți, a show by ParintisiPitici.ro.
MYTH: "They won't go to school with diapers"
"I haven't encountered it exactly at school, but I've had families in consultation with children almost 6 years old who couldn't control defecation. It happened anywhere. Whether they were in the car, at the supermarket, at a restaurant, or with some friends, they couldn't control it anymore, and it was a result of the fact that at the beginning, when diapers were abandoned, things didn't go in the direction of the child and that retention behavior appeared, which was continuously fueled until it reached this point", said the first certified consultant in child potty training in Romania.
Ruxandra Horvath emphasized that it is essential for parents to understand that this process is another stage of development for the child and that each child has their own learning pace. Sometimes, parents fall into the trap of believing that it solely depends on them to teach their children to use the potty and that the delay in this process reflects the parent's involvement or quality.
"Parents need to understand that it's another milestone for the child. Things happen at their own pace. Somehow, I think we've inherited, from generation to generation, the impression that it's solely up to the parent to potty train the child, that it's the parent's responsibility to do this. If it doesn't happen quickly or during that particular summer, it means mom didn't get involved enough or didn't do what was necessary.
But, in reality, it's the child's process, and we shouldn't put so much pressure on ourselves, as adults, or on the child. Let's truly look at this process as normal and natural. Just as we did with walking or eating", added the expert.
The first certified consultant in child potty training in Romania shared some valuable tips to get rid of diapers as quickly as possible. With a wise and empathetic approach, she emphasized the importance of understanding the child's own pace and offered a central recommendation for parents.
"The main recommendation would be to acquire that potty in advance and allow the child to study it, accept it, and test it in their way. This could mean just circling it for a while, then sitting on it while dressed. Let's not try to rush things if they don't come from the child, let's not try to steal the start. Giving up sooner does not mean finishing sooner or making things happen much faster.
It's necessary to prepare the child well enough, to have an informational basis, and when we give up diapers, what we're doing is just incorporating the last pieces of the puzzle. He will understand everything he experiences there. This could mean in preparation, getting used to the potty, allowing him to accompany us to the bathroom, being able to observe what the adult does, and maybe even giving him the chance to see what the diaper looks like when it's full if he's interested. Some children are interested and ask questions verbally or non-verbally.
It would be ideal to have a few days where we strictly focus on what we want to do, to be at home, in our comfort zone, not to go to the beach and try to get rid of the diaper in a hotel. Let's approach things step by step!", concluded Ruxandra Horvath.
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