EXCLUSIV

"Today I made a delicious soup!" Why is it important to tell children such statements? Alexandra Stoica: "The child learns THIS!" / PHOTO: freepik.com @user11472009

Stoica emphasized a profound and often overlooked reality in the parent-child relationship. She highlighted that despite the encouraging words we offer our children, they are more likely to mimic the behavioral patterns they observe in their parents.

Commenting on this aspect, Stoica underscored the importance of constant self-analysis for parents, encouraging them to become positive and self-aware role models for their children. She emphasized that the confidence and support we provide our children begin with how we manage and perceive ourselves as parents.

"The child will follow the parent in everything they do. It's useless to tell the child 'I trust you can do this.' Sure, I'm there to encourage you, but in fact, I tell myself that I'm not good enough. The child doesn't pick up on that 'I trust you,' they pick up on what they saw in you, and they won't say about you that you're not a good mother, but they will say about themselves 'I'm not doing enough'", said Alexandra Stoica on "Present Parents", a show by ParintisiPitici.ro.

Child's self-esteem. Alexandra Stoica's quote would translate to: "Parents sabotage it in the moments when they say THAT!"

Can parents with low self-esteem raise children with high self-esteem?

PHOTO: freepik.com @rom_check

The expert emphasized that before working with our children to develop their self-esteem, it's important to focus on our inner processes and cultivate healthy self-esteem.

"I haven't encountered it yet. But it's possible for a parent who hasn't had healthy self-esteem to work on it. You can increase your self-esteem as a parent", said the parenting specialist counselor.

Stoica argued that instead of transferring all the pressure and expectations onto our children, it's imperative to self-analyze and develop ourselves first before guiding them. The expert warned against overprotectiveness, pointing out that it can lead to decreased self-esteem among children and a lack of autonomy and independence.

"Why should we work on ourselves first and then with the children? Because we put a lot of pressure. 'Let it be, if I didn't have it, let the child have it,' 'if I wasn't, let the child be.' And we invest a lot of energy because if you haven't received, you create from an emptiness, not from a fullness. Your reservoir is empty there, and at some point, you say 'Enough, I can't do it anymore.'

The more we take care of ourselves and look after ourselves, the child learns to take care of ourselves, to say nice things to ourselves, and to appreciate ourselves. If they hear me saying 'Oh, I look good today,' 'I did a good job,' 'I made a good soup,' of course, they will say it too.

Overprotection also leads to low self-esteem because we do things for the children. 'Let mom do it, dad's here,' 'let dad do it instead of you,' 'let it be, I've suffered enough, why should the child suffer,' but we rob them of autonomy, we rob them of independence and the joy of the first step.

Think that sometimes we rejoice before them. Did they do something? Sometimes they don't even feel like rejoicing because they succeeded at something. After all, you're rejoicing. It's okay to rejoice with the children, but at least let them do it first", added Alexandra Stoica.

Low or high Self-Esteem? How can parents tell? Alexandra Stoica: "You see the signs a lot in children's attitudes!"

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