EXCLUSIV

Traps of divorce: Denigration of one parent or silent competition to fulfill all of the child's desires. Psychologist Renata Iancu raises an alarm! / PHOTO: freepik.com @rawpixel.com

When one of the parents engages in a silent competition to fulfill all the child's desires, the latter may misinterpret the situation. Why? Because, at that moment, the child understands that they can manipulate the situation to gain advantages, leveraging the lack of cohesion between the parents.

"In general, the child respects the parent who imposes reasonable rules. However, because the parent who fulfills all their desires also allows them to break rules imposed by the other parent, they fail to realize that sometimes the child engages in this game because they quickly understand that they are the object of a 'bidding' and gain benefits and advantages they wouldn't otherwise have, thus encouraging the development of character traits that they will later use with the 'coach.'

Therefore, it is advisable for the parent who doesn't fulfill all the child's desires not to worry, to remain calm, not to engage in this game, and to continue maintaining the rules and limits used so far, because, in the end, the child will appreciate the consistent behavior of the parent, and the bond between them will strengthen", said Renata Iancu on "Present Parents", a show by ParintisiPitici.ro.

How does the child feel about their parents' divorce? Renata Iancu: "Abandonment, loss, sadness, guilt, stigma!"

Renata Iancu: "If the mother says that the father is a bad person and the source of all problems, practically the child perceives that"

PHOTO: Wavebreak Media

There's a saying: "the child is half mother, half father", but sometimes parents fall into the trap of denigrating one of the parents in front of the child, without realizing the devastating consequences this can have. Psychologist Renata Iancu warns that such behaviors can profoundly affect the child's emotional development. The problems don't become evident immediately but manifest especially in adolescence.

"The child perceives the emotional tension and relates to it and to the expressions they hear, especially those said by the mother. They essentially become beliefs and are very important to the child. If the mother says that the father is a bad person and the source of all problems, practically the child perceives that. He needs affection and the mother's love, so he perceives that what the mother says is 100% true and doesn't question it. On the contrary, he seeks to please her, to thank her and ends up behaving badly towards the father and not trusting him.

The problem is that these signs don't appear in the early years but after puberty, in adolescence. When they appear, they come with a very high dose of distrust, an emotional ambivalence of the child, instability, a guilt that is almost always present because he was often put in a position to choose between the two parents, and no matter what he chose, he would dissatisfy one of the parties. Guilt becomes a habit for him, and he will always seek to please others, to buy their love in one form or another", Renata Iancu further emphasized.

What trauma can be created for a child in the case of parental divorce? Psychologist Renata Iancu: 'These aspects are of great importance!'

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