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Overloading children with tutoring and activities: The dangerous trap parents fall into. Oana Zapca: "We often don’t even know why we’re doing it!"
The expert emphasized that this decision is a personal one and that each family has its preferences and needs. Some parents opt for co-sleeping in the first few months and then gradually move their children to their room. Others choose to follow the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics and stay with the child in their room for about a year before transitioning. Some parents prefer to sleep with their child in their room for a longer period.
"It's a personal choice. Some parents choose to have their child in their room from day one when they come home. And it's not to be judged as long as we monitor them and ensure all safety conditions are met. Some parents try co-sleeping in the early months and then stay with the child in the room for 4-6 months before moving them. Some parents respect the recommendation of the American Academy of Pediatrics and stay with their children for a year before moving them. Or some parents sleep with their child in their room for a longer time, maybe because logistically they have nowhere else to put them.
My recommendation, looking a bit at my personal experience with my daughter Anastasia, would move them anytime after six months. By then, they are big enough to be aware of what's happening around them, and that mommy and daddy are there.
We can easily eliminate co-sleeping by raising the side of the bed and maybe even moving the child's crib towards the wall, so we're not so close. Or I can move them to their room, if I, as a parent, am ready.
Any change we want to make is directly proportional to your desire as a parent and what you can support. Because there are mothers who say, 'I couldn't move them, no matter how hard it is, I can't separate from them.' Some mothers say, 'Well, I'm very sensitive to sleep, so it bothers me, and I've chosen to move them,' very deliberately. Or some mothers say, 'No, under no circumstances, they'll still sleep with me after six months, as the risks decrease'", said Diana Rațiu on "Present Parents", a show by ParintisiPitici.ro.
The expert emphasized that many parents believe that the place and manner in which the child sleeps are closely related to their attachment, but she considers this perception to be incorrect. According to her, attachment primarily forms in the first two years of life but is the result of interaction and emotional connection between parent and child during the day, not during sleep.
Diana Rațiu argued that during the night, both parents and children are in a state of deep rest, focusing exclusively on sleep.
"Mothers have the impression that where the child sleeps and how the child sleeps are related to the child's attachment. A wrong thing, I would say.
The child's attachment is indeed formed in the first 2 years of life, but it is formed as a result of the interaction you have with the child, the way you connect with the child, and the way you respond to their needs, not the way you sleep. Because at night, we sleep! You know, we're half dead, especially in that deep sleep, in non-REM sleep. So, at night, we promote sleep. We sleep, we don't eat, we don't love, we don't play, we don't sing.
In the morning, we wake up, I am physically and emotionally available because I have slept, we've each been in our place, we've rested, and then I can support absolutely anything the child asks of me versus sleeping with the child in bed, thinking it's good to do so, when in fact, I haven't slept many times because I'm truly tired. After all, I tossed and turned all night, or because the child didn't let me sleep, constantly wanting to nurse, and in the morning, you realize how difficult it is to support everything that follows: playing, cooking, eating, sleeping, going out, etc.", the expert added.
The sleep consultant mentioned that there are myths surrounding these topics and that it is important to debunk them to avoid stigmatizing certain categories of mothers. She argued that all mothers are equally good for their children, regardless of the choices they make regarding childbirth, feeding, or returning to work.
"So, this is something I would take into account and think about, that there is no connection between the way my child sleeps and my child's attachment. Or the way I feed my child with my child's attachment. Because this also exists among mothers. If I breastfeed, I have a special connection. What does that mean? Do mothers who bottle-feed suffer? No! It has no connection!
There are some myths that I mention and I like to debunk because it casts a shadow over a category of mothers who are just as good for their children and who make subjective choices based on their family's needs, and we don't put them on trial. That a mother is good whether she gives birth by cesarean section, whether she offers formula milk, whether she returns to work after a year, and whether she occasionally gives bread with cheese", Diana Rațiu further explained.
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