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On the show Părinți Prezenți, hosted by Loredana Iriciuc, editor-in-chief of ParintisiPitici.ro, a major topic of interest was raised: 'What purpose do tantrums serve? Why do children resort to them?'
Violeta Mihalașcu, a clinical psychologist and behavioral analyst, offered a detailed explanation that could change the way parents understand these intense emotional manifestations.
A tantrum is typically perceived as an outburst of anger, frustration, or intense emotions that the child doesn't know how to manage. Violeta Mihalașcu explains that, at a basic level, tantrums are a form of emotional regulation.
"To lower the intensity of the emotion they are feeling at that moment. It’s anger; they feel it very strongly and resort to certain behaviors to reduce that intensity so they can live at a minimum level because otherwise, we burn out very quickly if we experience emotions this intensely", the psychologist explains.
In other words, a tantrum can be seen as a protective mechanism, a way to release the accumulated emotional pressure.
PHOTO: freepik.com @EyeEm
As children grow and begin to develop a more complex understanding of relationship dynamics, tantrums are no longer just a response to overwhelming emotions. According to Violeta Mihalașcu, they can also become "effective methods of persuading a parent to do certain things."
"In situations where, in their history and precedent, tantrums have occurred in a pattern like this: emotional crisis - the parent resists -emotional crisis - the parent resists. The child continues because they have nothing else planned for the day but an emotional crisis, while the parent has many things on their mind, eventually can’t resist, gives in, and provides the child with something they already said they couldn’t offer. This creates a new association with this behavior. So then, the child might enjoy this benefit and start seeking it", explains Violeta Mihalașcu.
Essentially, the child begins to associate the tantrum with gaining a specific benefit, especially if they have been successful with this strategy in the past. Thus, the child may start using tantrums not just as an emotional release but also as a negotiation tactic. This association between behavior and outcome teaches children that tantrums can be an effective method to influence their parents' decisions.
Parents need to understand that tantrums are not necessarily a sign of a "bad child" or disobedience. As Violeta Mihalașcu emphasizes: "It does NOT mean that they throw a tantrum to convince us to give them things they’re not allowed to have. No! This is a benefit they discover later if this association occurs in the environment. The child is smart enough to see what works to convince you to give them what they want."
Tantrums are a natural part of child development, a way for young children to try to manage their emotions while learning how to communicate and get what they desire.
Understanding the reasons behind these emotional outbursts can help parents respond with more patience and empathy, contributing to a more harmonious relationship and the healthy development of the child. Instead of being seen as a problem, tantrums can be viewed as opportunities to learn and build stronger bonds between parents and children.
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