EXCLUSIV

Are tantrums an invention of modern parenting? Violeta Mihalașcu: "If we are referring to the term, yes! However, children have always had meltdowns; they were just suppressed!" / PHOTO: freepik.com @sobolevskyi

"Are tantrums an invention of modern parenting?" asked Loredana Iriciuc, moderator of Părinți Prezenți, a show by ParintisiPitici.ro.

"If we are only referring to the term, then yes, I believe it is a product of modernism", Violeta Mihalașcu responded.

The psychologist emphasizes that tantrums are not a new behavioral discovery, but rather a new terminology applied to old behaviors.

"They used to call them fits of rage, or something similar, or maybe some more popular terms", the expert adds, highlighting that although the names have changed, the essence of the behavior has remained the same.

Children's tantrums: When do they start, when do they end, and what are the first signs? Violeta Mihalașcu: "I would like us to shift the perspective a little!"

Children's emotions: A constant throughout history

PHOTO: freepik.com @The Yuri Arcurs Collection

Violeta Mihalașcu explains that emotions are not a new phenomenon: "Emotions have always been here. No, there's nothing new. Children have always been upset because a child's expectations can sometimes be unrealistic. Their physiological needs may not be met, making them more easily frustrated by anything in their environment or any physical frustrations they have due to things they can't do because of their physical limitations."

In the past, children did not have the same space for expression today. Strict rules and social expectations imposed a rigid discipline where emotions were often viewed as inappropriate or unjustified.

"Back then, children simply didn't have space to express themselves. If we think about the parenting ideas that might have been around with our grandparents, I don't think it went any further than not hugging the child, maybe just kissing them while they were asleep. We can see how different the perceptions were", Violeta Mihalașcu explains.

This lack of open expression of emotions may have led to their internalization, affecting long-term emotional development. Thus, instead of disappearing, repressed emotions manifest in different ways, possibly even harmful, later in life.

Why does a child resort to tantrums? The truth behind emotional outbursts. Violeta Mihalașcu: "The little one is smart enough to see what works!"

Modern parenting: A paradigm shift

PHOTO: freepik.com @EyeEm

Today, modern parenting focuses on validating and managing emotions rather than suppressing them. This shift in approach is not always easy, especially for parents who were raised under strict rules. However, according to psychologist Violeta Mihalașcu, this transition is essential for children's emotional health.

"I believe that children have always had tantrums, but they were suppressed by the central idea of parenting, which was fear", says Violeta Mihalașcu.

Fear of authority, fear of not being good enough, fear of expressing emotions - these were all central elements in past education.

"If you intimidate a child, they will stop looking at themselves and feeling what they feel, because what the strong person in that relationship feels becomes more important, as they depend on us", the expert continues.

What does a normal tantrum look like, and when does it cause concern? Violeta Mihalașcu: "I think the most important thing to say is THIS!"

Tantrums – A necessity to understand and manage emotions

Therefore, tantrums are not a modern invention but a reality throughout human history. The difference lies in how parents and society choose to address them. Modern parenting teaches us to be more aware of children's emotional needs and to provide them with a safe space to express their frustrations and anger.

"And if you approach the tantrum this way, the child will stop having tantrums, but the emotions won't disappear! They will internalize them, and they will come out in a different form", concluded Violeta Mihalașcu.

What do children want to hear when they have a tantrum? Violeta Mihalașcu: "The parent should be able to look at the child and convey THIS!"

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