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Parental Alienation | Warning signs for parents. Lawyer Adelina Ralea tells us what to watch out for / PHOTO: freepik.com @EyeEm

"Parental alienation typically starts with a subtle campaign of denigration. One parent, dissatisfied or seeking revenge, begins speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child", said Adelina Ralea on "Present Parents", a program by ParintisiPitici.ro.

These repeated and deliberate negative comments become a regular part of the child's daily environment. As the child is continuously exposed to these negative messages, they begin to internalize them. Without realizing it, the child is manipulated and guided to adopt a distorted view of the targeted parent.

"Day by day, growing up or living in such an environment, the child absorbs these ideas, perhaps without realizing that they have been led, manipulated into internalizing those ideas", explained Adelina Ralea.

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Creating the image of a good parent and a bad parent

Once the negative ideas have been internalized, a polarized image of the parents emerges: one is perceived as good, while the other as bad.

"Slowly, the image of a good parent and a bad parent takes shape. We no longer have that natural ambivalence that should exist. The parent with whom the child lives consistently may become excessively indulgent, allowing sweets at will, and a schedule without a fixed bedtime, regardless of school grades. Thus, we have the good parent who lets me and the bad parent who doesn't let me have everything I want", the lawyer further explained.

As a result, the child comes to see this parent as the good one, while the other parent, who sets rules and limits, is perceived as the bad one.

PHOTO: freepik.com @syda_productions

Formation of distorted independent thinking

As this process progresses, the child begins to form independent thinking based on the distorted information received. They may come to completely reject one parent, holding them responsible for all their problems or discomforts.

"And from here, the child becomes a little independent thinker. There is even this notion, more in the psychological sphere, as far as I know, I'm not an expert in this area.

The child comes and says, 'I don't want to stay with mommy or daddy anymore. Mommy is bad, daddy is, I don't know, in what way,' and it seems to be the child's reaction, that he no longer wants to stay with the other parent. Or, the behavior has been induced, it has been implanted in him. This is how parental alienation would form", further explained Adelina Ralea.

Identifying parental alienation

Identifying parental alienation is not always straightforward, but lawyer Adelina Ralea emphasizes that a crucial element in detecting alienation is the child's behavior.

"How can we identify it? The child's behavior is definitive!" says the lawyer.

The first sign to watch for is the child's reluctance towards one of the parents. Normally, children should show affection, attachment, and a desire to spend time with both parents. If these feelings no longer materialize, serious questions should be raised.

"We observe whether the child shows reluctance towards one parent, an unnatural reluctance, whereas normal feelings would be those of affection, attachment, and a desire to spend time with the parent. If these feelings don't manifest anymore, we should raise a serious question", Adelina Ralea further explained.

More alarming than reluctance is explicit hostility.

"Hostility. It's even worse than reluctance! 'I don't want to anymore', 'Mommy is not good, she has no place in my life anymore' or vice versa, these are random examples I'm giving", the lawyer elaborated.

To understand if these reactions from the child result from parental alienation, it's essential to analyze the behavior of the parent suspected of alienation.

"Then, we also look at the parent, at the behavior of the parent who created the situation to see if there's manipulation involved or not.

The child's behavior may be proportional to the parent's reaction; for example, if a parent consumes alcohol and speaks badly or behaves aggressively, it's natural for a child not to want to spend time with that parent.

But if there are no such deviations from the parent's side, and the child doesn't want to visit them anymore, then we raise a serious question and see what we can do", emphasized Adelina Ralea.

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