EXCLUSIV

What do children want to hear when they have a tantrum? Violeta Mihalașcu: "The parent should be able to look at the child and convey THIS!" / PHOTO: freepik.com @EyeEm

"What do children want to hear when they are having a tantrum, what exactly should we, as parents, be telling ourselves?" Loredana Iriciuc asked.

Violeta Mihalașcu's response highlighted the importance of parents' attitude in such moments: "They should see on our face that we are not scared. Even though they are acting out and sometimes scare us, they are also scared—they don’t even know they have this power, that they can act in the way they have."

Children's tantrums: When do they start, when do they end, and what are the first signs? Violeta Mihalașcu: "I would like us to shift the perspective a little!"

Violeta Mihalașcu: "The parent should be able to continue looking at the child and convey THIS!"

PHOTO: freepik.com @dmytriinadutyi

The expert explained that after the tantrum subsides and the intense emotion fades, children start looking around, naturally seeking confirmation and cues from their parents. If the parents are also scared, agitated, or angry, the children might feel ashamed and unaccepted, which does not help in processing and understanding the event.

"At the end, when they calm down and the emotion has decreased, they start looking around, and if they see a parent who is also scared, agitated, or angry, instead of allowing the emotion to drain away and then move into one appropriate for the context, the child starts to feel inadequate, ashamed of what they did, and unaccepted.

And this does not promote further understanding of the event or processing it: 'This happened, you felt that you did that wrong, but look, you can do this right.' Because there's no room for that kind of discussion any more, as the parent's strong emotion takes center stage, and then it steals the spotlight, halting the child's learning process", Violeta Mihalașcu said on 'Părinți Prezenți', a show produced by ParintisiPitici.ro.

Violeta Mihalașcu further emphasized that it is essential for parents to remain calm and convey to the child that these moments of anger are normal and do not affect the love they feel for them: "The parent should be able to continue looking at the child and convey: 'It's okay, I've seen this before, I've felt this way too, you've calmed down, I still love you, I can handle these things, and we'll learn together how you can handle them too.'"

Why does a child resort to tantrums? The truth behind emotional outbursts. Violeta Mihalașcu: "The little one is smart enough to see what works!"

Psychologist Violeta Mihalașcu: These tantrums should not necessarily be viewed as a problem until the child's brain reaches a certain level of development

"Is there any long-term impact of tantrums on their emotional or behavioral development?" Loredana Iriciuc asked.

Violeta Mihalașcu's response was nuanced and profound: "I wouldn't say there is an impact; it's a symptom, evidence that emotional maturation is delayed and not happening at the pace it should."

The expert explained that these tantrums should not necessarily be seen as a problem until the child's brain reaches a certain level of development. The brain, which houses functions like self-control, only fully matures around the age of 25. However, she emphasized that tantrums should decrease in intensity and frequency as the child grows, indicating progress in emotional maturation.

"But if you're 20 years old and having tantrums like a 3-year-old, that's more of a symptom that emotional maturation hasn't happened."

"Adults can live and integrate into society with cognitive intelligence, even without emotional intelligence, but with certain disadvantages. The ideal scenario is to have both at a suitable level of development", Violeta Mihalașcu concluded.

What does a normal tantrum look like, and when does it cause concern? Violeta Mihalașcu: "I think the most important thing to say is THIS!"

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